Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
