It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
