after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
