I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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