I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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