Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
