brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
