The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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