Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
