thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
