If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
