Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
