Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
