Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
