somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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