I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
