we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
