I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
