I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
