It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
