I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
