You're earring is so big in my mouth
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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