this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
