it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
