Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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