he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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