Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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