kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
