I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
