My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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