The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
