One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
