Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
