I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
