dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
