Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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