The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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