Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
