Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He better not be in your backpack
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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