just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
