On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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