I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
