his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
