the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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