You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
