We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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