We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
