It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
