Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
