spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
