some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
