There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
