Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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